Sometimes it's like --- What's the F'kn Point.... Death Valley High

 

Some days you just feel like you've been getting your ass kicked.

I've been having some rough days, lately.  I'm not sure if it is work/life circumstances causing depression or my depression rendering me incapable of dealing with work/life circumstances.  Actually, I'm sure it's both.  Work has been extremely challenging lately.  While I am grateful at all the additional responsibility and promotions and faith my employer has given me (thanks, in no small part, to my sobriety, for sure), I find it is taking it's toll on the mental energy.  I am finding I have little left to give  when I get home or on weekends.  This seems to hit especially hard on Sundays.

Artist: Lo-Pro
Album: Self Titled
Song: Sunday
Year: 2003

"Around around we go, getting nowhere."

Yesterday (Sunday 7/6/25) was one of those days for me.  As soon as I open my eyes my brain is already running full speed at the list of tasks I need to get done.  Feeling overwhelmed, if I had my choice, I would just stay in bed all day.  Life just feels like too much. Eventually I make it out of bed and start drinking caffeine in hopes for some motivation.  I end up in the shower, again, hoping it will help.  What I think is overwhelm with tasks leads to some of the underlying thoughts that form the bedrock of my anxiety.  Thinks like....

1. Life is too hard

2. Our parents are getting old and health is starting to fail.  Pretty soon we will get to watch them get very sick and die.

3. That is not even the worst that could happen.  I need to keep begging God to not take my kids away from me.  I fear I will watch one of them get run over by a car, or get cancer, and watch them die.

4. The very best scenario is that I get to watch my parents get sick and live in pain for years before they die and that I die before my kids die.  What is the fucking point of all this?

With all this joyful noise going on in my head, I put on some music and sit down in the shower, and before I know it I am sobbing.  (Catch my newest single, Crying In The Shower, out soon!)  The band I was listening to is called Death Valley High.  There is something about the music and this guy's vocal style that can just pull emotion out of me.  

Song: Singled Out
Artist: Death Valley High
Album: The Similarities of the Loveless and the Undead
Year: 2007

Song: The Known
Artist: Death Valley High
Album: The Similarities of the Loveless and the Undead
Year: 2007

Song: Multiply
Artist: Death Valley High
Album: Doom in Full Bloom
Year: 2010

Multiply is probably my favorite song of theirs.  At the start of the second verse around 1:28 his voice... gets me every time.  I feel whatever it was he was experiencing when singing it and it somehow allows my own emotion to be released.  It's good to feel like you are not alone.  Cliche, but true.  

Song: Days and Days
Artist: Death Valley High
Album: Doom in Full Bloom
Year: 2010

Song: Thru Hell
Artist: Death Valley High
Album: Doom in Full Bloom
Year: 2010

"It's black and its cold, do you wanna stay.... in here?"  Sometimes it's helpful to stay in the black cold place for a bit.  I spent most of my life trying to run and escape from unpleasant feelings (alcohol and drugs worked very well for that... until it didn't).  Listening to music like this helps me sit with unpleasant feelings and just... not run away.  This song is catchy and the chorus of "if you lead me thru hell I would follow you." is almost uplifting...  maybe. lol. 

I started this post a couple weeks ago and am finally getting back around to finish it.  I am happy to report that, although work has still been challenging, I am dealing with it and am not in the same mental funk that I was back on July 7th.  I struggled that entire week but I kept talking to Katie  (my spousal human) and kept trying to just take the next step instead of trying to solve everything.  I also attended a 12 step meeting that week which always puts things into perspective and boosts my gratitude.  Hopefully anyone reading this is finding ways to sit thru painful feelings so they can get to the other side. If alcohol is something you always use to escape and if you are sick of it and want to make a change feel free to message me directly on Facebook and I can help get you plugged in.  

✌️❤️🤘